The joys I tell you!

The joys of motherhood! What can I say really, but I love being a mommy. No ands ifs or buts about it. I love that I wake up in the morning being called mommy and go to bed at night being called mommy. I love all those special moments, the ones I'll never get back. Even when it means scrubbing vomit out of my new car's seats, and staying up all night with sick kids.

Lately Ollie's been so attached to her chupi and the only way to get a kiss, is to kiss the chupi. She refuses to take it out of her mouth to talk too lol. Orion has been on a drawing binge lately, and makes up the best stories to go with his pictures. He literally beams with pride when he comes running a new drawing my way. Raymond has wanted to help with everything, and he does it wonderfully. He's such a great big brother. I love seeing him with the other two, showing all of his compassion for them.

So call this my mushy post for the week! Oh, and I've been super busy getting ready for the breakfast with santa boutique. I find myself hitting a ton of setbacks though. I was almost done with 2 dresses last night, when I ran out of thread. The night before that I was almost done with 2 dresses and my machine broke all the needles I had, trying to make buttonholes. But still I push on, and hope this turns out wonderfully. I hope I get a chance to start my banner for my table soon. The kids will have fun helping with that!

ka- boom

So the last 2 weeks or so, I haven't fully wanted to admit it or anything, but my head has been feeling like a ticking time bomb. I've been to the emergency room, and all they do is giving vicodin or morphine and send me home. Not only is 2 vicodin no longer working, but the room won't stop spinning! I haven't driven in about as long, because I'm afraid of getting dizzy while driving. I'm afraid to call my regular Dr. for fear it's not good news. In my mind I imagine the worst case scenario, cancer or a tumor something like that on/in my brain. Just functioning day to day has become increasingly difficult, and it makes me want to cry.

I've been so emotional lately, and I think it's because I keep imagining the worst case scenario. I look at my beautiful children and cry. What did I do to deserve such miracles, such blessings? And I cry. I cry at the thought that my head spinning and throbbing is a death sentence waiting to happen. I don't want to stand, because the nausea that accompanies the spinning is getting unbearable. I try to play it down to my husband and mom, but I think Ray's starting to figure it out. There's only so much I can do to hide my face wanting to throw up when I rise from my seat.

Tomorrow I tell myself, I'll call the Dr. and make an appointment. But when it comes to me, tomorrow never comes. I always find something more important to do, and push the head throbbing, dizzying pain to the back of my mind. I can't go on like this much longer, and I think tomorrow has finally come. I hope for the best, but fear the worse.....

No sleep, all sew, make me crazy!

Lately I've become quite the little insomniac. How you ask? Well, it all started with some fabric. I found some super cute skull fabric, and had this huge brainstorm of ideas. My mind raced at the thought of all the possibilities that can come from this fabric. And that, is what sparked my insomnia.

I have this brainchild idea of adorable little babies and toddlers running around in appropriate punk baby attire. Not raunchy, grungy punk; but classic punk. I've been busy writing ideas down, drawing designs, drafting patterns, but mostly sewing. I can't sleep! Even at 5 in the morning when I drag my sorry self to bed, I can't turn my mind off. I want to get it all out of me, so I can sleep. The perfectionist in me wants to rage on. Hurry up Jessica, get this line out Jessica. People are going to love these clothes Jessica! Yeah, that's how I pump myself up.

So far I have all my patterns drafted, some are cut and ready to be sewn; while others still sit on paper waiting to wow somebody. It's not all about the money mind you, but more for the thrill I get when people actually think my clothing is worthy of buying. I get a rush. And I've put so much thought and all my skills into this line, that I'm starting to worry about failing. Yes, people can tell me that it looks good and I'll believe them, to a point. BUT you know your work is really good, when you have people lined up wanting to buy it. I know there's a difference. I shop. I can say, "oh that's cute, " and pass it by, but when it's really cute I have to buy it.

So here I sit rambling on at 1 something in the morning, when there's pants to be made, and fabric to be cut, and adorable punk babies to be made. I'm trying to talk myself into going to bed, because the boys have school in the morning. And with that, I leave you with my rock princess dress. Enjoy!

Another suitor for the princess...

Today I was watching Aladdin with the kids (one of my all time favorites by the way), and it dawned on me how different I thought things were going to turn out. You know, like when your a kid and you want to be something so bad that doesn't make any sense at all; and now as an adult your not anywhere close to that. When I was 4 I wanted to be a pound puppy so bad, I'd squish my face up, crawl on all fours and bark. I've been told repeatedly that I bit a boy too. And when Aladdin came out, I wanted to be a princess. There's a line in that movie, "another suitor for the princess," that made me remember this. When I wanted to be a princess, all I could imagine was lines of people waiting for just the chance to catch a glimpse of me, people waiting on me hand and foot, and the most gorgeous clothes imaginable. And now, it's been brought to my attention by my ever so loving friends (thanks guys), that I am nowhere near how they'd thought I'd be. In highschool I was still such a big kid it wasn't funny. Perhaps I was mature in some areas, after all I did work through most of high school. But none of my friends could envision me as a mini van driving, mom of 3, who sews and crochets, and is an avid p.t.a member.

Which all brings me back to the point I wanted to make. Who says I'm no where near what I wanted to be? Okay fine, maybe I don't have the title princess (that belongs to my daughter), but there are a ton of similarities. People do wait in line every day to catch a glimpse of me, while their waiting their usually asking for breakfast but still, they wait till they see me open my eyes. I have people wait on me hand and foot, my kids are very eager to help me out. You should see these kids on market days, fighting over who gets to carry what. And the clothes, psh.... I can make the clothes. So the way I see it is, my dreams came true!

And, I'm still a pound puppy too! This is very evident when you catch me crawling around the house on all fours with the baby barking at each other.

The flu caught up to us

Let me start this one off by saying, "Thanks Big Ray!" Yes I'm blaming this one right square on the shoulders of the big guy. He was the first to get sick, and infect our family with the horrible stomach virus, so that makes this his fault. So this was how our latest conversation went:
Me: This is your fault.
Ray: How is this my fault?
Me: Because I said so, you brought it home.
Ray: What was I supposed to do, sleep outside in a box?
Me: Yes, then we wouldn't have gotten sick!

Ah yes, that's classic us there. Stupid, simple, pointless! But I got off the subject. I'm a bit cranky to say the least. I was up till 4:30 last night/this morning with a puking 15 month old who finally got a spurt of energy. The two and a half hours I spent with her in the ER probably didn't help either. So here I sit blogging my whiny self away.

The best part is, I'm feeling naseasu now too! Oh, and my 5 year old just threw up all over himself, my hall, and the restroom. Actually, I'd be pretty darn surprised right now if any of it actually made it into the toilet. Now to get my equipment ready and scrub it all up. Ah, the joys of motherhood!