Fake

Today is just really one of those days where I am just unsure of everything. I'm tired of things being the way they are, and I feel like I'm falling apart. Nothing seems real or right today. I guess the best way to say it, is that I feel like I'm just faking my way through this life. I try hard to stay positive, and do what I have to do. I'm tired of feeling negative and pessismistic because someone else does. I don't want anyone to give anything up that they don't want for me. I do what I do in life because it feels right to me, those are the morals I carry. I know I'm just rambling on, but either way it feels good to get some of it out.

Completely Random

So this last week, I've ben trying desperately to get Bobby into preschool. He's been on the waiting list for state preschool for months now, but some of the moms at mommy and me told me about a universal preschool. So after much hassle, he starts Monday. He was supposed to start this past Friday, but of course they needed more papers. So Monday it is. With all the driving around I've been doing this week though, I feel so weak! I really would just like a day to myself to rest, read or crochet. Basically just lie around and do something for me. I have like no energy, but I have to keep pushing myself. Between taking and picking up Raymond from school, there's mommy and me, and taking and picking up Bobby from preschool now, Olivia's clingyness, cooking, and then there's cleaning. I need another me!

Besides all of that, I've been feeling like a bit of a failure or like I did something wrong. Raymond's already been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. We really feel like he also has a mild form of autism, but since our insurance changed I have to start all over at getting a full diagnosis. And now with Bobby having a speech delay, it's a bit overwhelming. And I hate to admit it, but I think my Bobby has a bit of a learning disability as well. I take each day as they come and play everything by ear, but somedays just really take a toll on me. I try my best to give all 3 the time and attention they need, but it's getting harder with the more we find out. Patience is a virtue that I'm desperately trying to maintain. I try not to think about any of this, and not to focus on any of it..... but it's really hard not to feel like there might have been something I could have done to prevent all of this. Since I just started babbling on, I'm off for now!