Yay hospital visit

It's always Orion! I feel so bad for this kid, he's the most accident prone of the 3. I'm just waiting for the day he breaks a bone, this kid is just..... ahhhh. So the boys were wrestling around, doing their normal stuff and O get's knocked to the floor. He stands up and there's just blood streaming down the back of his head. Of course me being me, I calmly get a rag and press it to his head. I call Big Ray to hurry home and start getting stuff for the kids together. That's me on the outside. Now on the inside, HUGE difference! I was freaking out, I thought he was going to bleed to death. We get him to the hospital, and they glue him shut. So now he gets to stay with me tomorrow to be under my watchful surveilence (did I mention I was watching them rough house?) for a few days. And I've chosen to sleep with my boo boo to make sure he's fine through the night.

So score another battle scar for my babe! I hope he doesn't look like mince meat by the time he's a teenager!

I hate money

There's never enough of it around here. I feel so lame lately and useless. I'm not used to only being at home anymore and I feel like a hermit. I miss working, it was a huge part of me. Yes I'm content with all the crafting time I've been getting in lately, but it's not the same. And not working is causing all this wonderful stress about paying the bills and such. Grand isn't it? So I've been on this huge pity party lately, and feel like a failure. Like I let my kids down. I hate feeling like I'm at someone's mercy. It's that feeling like when your a kid and you did something wrong, when your mom catches you and you feel your stomach sink. Yeah, it's like that feeling 24/7 lately. I can't sleep, and I've lost my appetite. Ugh, I'm at a loss here. I've been praying alot lately too, for something to happen. I need a miracle here! Actually, I just need a job. Out of all the resume's I've sent and applications I've filled out, someone call me. Back to the sewing machine and glue gun.......

so confused.....

Am I the only one who ever has those moments, the ones where you just fall apart at the seams and wonder what your doing? I've been having one of those days, okay weeks. I haven't been out of my pajamas and I just want to be left alone. The husband doesn't understand, which makes me question my decisions even more. I think that in itself is a long story. I hate that I feel so lost in life right now. And I hate that I let myself be a doormat to others. I just want to find hapiness. I want to just be able to provide for my kids, and be incredibly content with the path my life takes. I really hope to be there someday.

Not autistic enough

Wow, I never thought I'd hear someone say that to me about my son. So even though he's on the spectrum, he's not autistic enough to qualify for any extra services. BS, I say! I ran into some guys who work for regional center the other night at work though, and they said he should qualify. So here I am waiting for the secretary to call me back about when I can pick up a copy of my son's report to submit to Regional. Ugh, this is so tiresome. I have to go here and go there, and get this and get that. Why can't someone just realize that he still needs help. I'm trying to help my son be a functioning person, and everyone is denying me resources to help him accomplish that. I'll get there eventually, but until then the fight continues.

Lucky me

So lately I've been feeling like my feet aren't touching the ground. I'm ecstatic and loving this feeling. The last 2 nights that I worked, I made awesome money. And last night, I bought 1 $5 raffle ticket and won a raider's jersey. My boss told me I should play the lotto, and now I'm starting to think I should too. My mom always told me that when God closes a door he opens a window, and this is my window. With the money I've made I was able to pay for the venue for the boys' birthday party and buy them an amazing present. I've just lucked out lately and I really hope it continues... at least for a while anyway!

One of those weird moods

So lately I've been doing a ton of thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that I've changed. I can't say it's for the better, but I'm different. I get sick of all the high school drama that some adults bring, it's MADDENING!!!! Some people just don't grow up. At work, there's so much tension between the girls and talking behind backs. Then there's the whole talking bad about other girls to the customers. I feel like I have to be everyone's mother and always be the voice of reason. Geez, just grow up already!

I've even begun to feel like I've outgrown a few of my friendships lately too. Things just aren't the same. I've found myself resenting comments that they've made, not just towards me, but towards other friends. And everyone is so adamant that their right, everyone else is wrong; and it comes off as really pushy. I don't like pushy, to each their own. I'm really tired of the whole tit for tat aspect of some friendships I have either, and I find myself distancing from them. I feel somewhat free now, even though I feel guilty for doing it. I know mentally though, it's the best thing for me. Okay, that's enough of my moral ramblings.... I'm getting off my soap box.

Crazy night!

So it's almost 3 in the morning and I find myself sitting at the computer blogging instead of sleeping... what's wrong with me?!!! Ugh, it was one of "those" nights. I had to work (stupid Sunday club night), and it was a hard night. My feet are ready to fall off they hurt so bad, and I'm wide awake from all the coffee I drank earlier at Ihop. Mmmm, coffee! Great, now I want coffee. I really don't know where I'm going with this, but it's 3 in the morning and I'm wired, so enjoy my ramblings. Maybe I'll finish that black mitten I've been doing for my kids swap. Eh, maybe tomorrow.

For now, I think I'll amuse myself with a list of things I have to do tomorrow. Take pictures of Ollie's old clothes to sell, go to the market, clean the garage, take pictures of whatever were selling from the garage, clean the bathroom, buy the boys some undershirts and new underwear, and buy a pump for my stroller tires. Now that I look at this list, I'm sure there's a few things I can put off till the middle of the week lol. Okay, I've had it! I'm going to go annoy Ray by flopping around the bed until I fall asleep.